Bye Bye Baby BMW..

Almost a year ago, I set out on a foolhardy endeavour to procure the beautiful base model BMW 316 from Brighton. At that time, no one could foresee what the future held for the diminutive e30 of 1987 vintage. Despite a failure to proceed shortly after obtaining an MOT certificate it settled into the fleet nicely.

Style in automotive form
bonus 406 coupe action in the background

Shortly after arriving in the not so grim Northlands, the eye of my Mother was caught by the 316. From her lips the phrase “I’ll have that car” did flow. She is not one to be refused, so I set about readying the little car for life as a second car at my parent’s household.

Luckily it was in very good fettle, and only needed brakes, a service and some rear dampers to become a reliable runaround for the Maw. She took to it like a duck to water – commenting most favourably on the excellent all round vision, the light steering and the willing engine. It certainly cut a dash about town.

Moreover, it functioned as an exceptionally good courtesy car for when  one of my fleet was off the road. It outlived the Octavia, the 306 and the Alfa 156 – It may not have been as frugal, as dashing or as handling focused, but it had a character that just endeared you to it after 10mins behind the wheel. As a serial e30 owner, it was everything I didn’t like:

2 door body

Automatic

4 Cylinder(although it has to be said, the m10 engine is the pick of the 8v 4cyls available in the e30)

blessed with 45mm front struts

Sporting Rear Drums (almost worth it for the working handbrake!)

But yet it was so much more than the sum of its parts. A clean, low mileage e30 is a lovely place to be. No rattles, squeaks or hums, just effortless and enjoyable miles covered without concern.

One such sojourn of note was the trip to drop off a Saab 9-5 to the very north

An Idyllic view (and a no bad wee cottage)

The 316 was easily the match or the Saab- getting similar economy (38mpg), with better comfort and more driver communication on the sinewy roads north of Dingwall.

Shortly thereafter, it passed into my care again as the Maw has now set her sights on a nice e60 5 series of some sort. Can’t fault her really.

I replaced the downpipe after an unfortunate “failure to remain attached” incident, and replaced the exhaust mountings with genuine BMW parts at a very reasonable cost (£30!).

Balcocks!

That done, it proved a superb commuter,  comfortable on the motorway and engaging on the backroads. Moreover, it drew admiring glances wherever it went, and was the source of much positive comment from my colleagues.

It was not to last though – A chance note on the 335 from someone looking for an old BMW lead to the classic “Offer I  couldn’t refuse” scenario.. As of Tuesday evening, the 316 resides elsewhere.

Bye Bye:(

I enjoyed my time with it, and it taught me several important things, the chief of which is “if you see an e30 for sale, buy it!”. A great wee car that was reliable, frugal and easy to work on yet had sufficient character to reward you every time you drove it!

 

Now to get the 320i back into service…

 

 

Scandinavian Sojourn

Back in August last year, we helped the Burd’s cousin in selecting a fine automobile to use in the very northlands (Mercedes e280 buyages). Sadly, due to a low speed wheel/wing interface caused by a wishbone/balljoint divorce, P399 YSH is no more.

 

It occurred at a most fortuitous time actually, as the ole Merc was nearing an appointment with the man from the ministry’s hammer of doom. A discussion ensued whereupon it was decided that the Merc should go to the garage in the sky, and a new barge would be selected.

Despite being told ” I want a large estate car” I had to spend my fair share of my time batting off MGF based proposals. Eventually we honed in on a spec:

Long MOT

Large comfortable car

Sub £500

Decent on fuel.

 

So what did we end up having to go on a mad dash to Edinburgh for last Sunday night?

The Saab 9-5 2.0t Vector

 

Its a 55 plate – the last year of the “low” £290 VED tax, and it has a 150bhp low pressure turbo version of the ecopower engine.

Cogs are shifted by a 5 speed manual (including the usual annoying “Key by the handbrake/must engage reverse to get the key out”). All in all, it feels fairly decent for what is a 200K mile car.

On the MOT front it’d had a new one at the start of March, so is good until 2017. All the tyres and brakes seem ok, and the previous owner had the rear suspension bushes done.

Inside, the interior is in good condition bar the tired drivers seat and worn gearknob.Its a pleasant place to be and seems to go pretty well too.

 

I got it to the unit on Thursday for a check over and discovered the cause of the oil leak/smoke I’d experienced.

Sump leaking onto the exhaust

 

I got it cleaned up and applied some instant gasket – telling the Button to get someone to look at it ASAP, and to carry out a clean of the oil pickup whilst the sump was off.

 

Everything else checked out ok, so it was time to get the bleeding thing up north.

 

The Alfa had been making an annoying click at low speeds, so it was replaced by the venerable e30 316 as chase vehicle.

Winning at delivering!

We thrust northwards with our speed tempered by the irritating nature of average speed camera driving. Pitlochry was achieved, and some tasty haggis nachos (really!) were consumed at McKays (McKays).

Both cars running well and apparently being miserly with the fuel – plus I managed to do my first ever video review – available here in all its gory details – Fu’Gutty Saab 9-5 review

Pitstop at Pitlochry

Next up was yet more A9 average speedery with roadworks thrown in for good measure. To alleviate this, we made a short stop in Dingwall to replenish our caffeine levels, and consume some poor innocent bunnies. The bunnies that were sacrificed were provided by the Courtyard Café (Bunny biscuit purveyors)

It never stood a chance..

The rest of the run was completed with no concerns, and a pleasing 40.1mpg showing on the OBC. This will likely be a true 36mpg or so.

An Idyllic view (and a no bad wee cottage)

The Button seemed most pleased and discussion soon turned to the possibility of converting it into an expedition car for some surfing trips.

After a cuppa we loaded into it and set off for Thurso for a delicious dinner at a little seafood place called the Pavilion Restaurant (Good fish N Chips!)

In Thurso by the sea

 

The next day dawned drizzly, but we decided to make the most of it with a varied itinerary.

First up was a visit to see Burger and co – the semi tame group of Icelanic ponies that is just along from the cottage we were in

 

Suffice to say, the ponies were uber friendly when you had a carrot in your had, and even reasonably amiable when the supply had run out.

I prefer to think of this one as Scouselandic due to the perm..

 

We then ran up to sunny Wick to see the Trinkie-  seawater swimming pool that the Button intends to use for diving training.

And then ended our visit with a run up to John O’Groats.

Can’t get too much more north than this (except Dunnet Head)

Despite developing a blow from the exhaust, the wee 316 got us home with no problem, battering along at the speed limit, giving 38mpg fill to fill.

 

Back to back runs complete, I’d still pick the e30;)

The 316 gets Fettled

The poor e30 316 has sat at the unit for far too long, but yesterday finally yielded a chance to get some work done on her. This was partly in preparation for her going into daily service, and partly out of sympathy!

Many shiny new parts were purchased- with the aim to improve 3 specific areas:

1. Braking performance
2. Engine performance and cooling
3. Handling

First up was a case of jump starting the car –  we connected the Octavia and were rewarded with a swift fire up- settling down to a decent idle once off choke. We let her run and moved her around a bit to get some temperature into the oil prior to draining.

Next up was a pleasurable experience of jacking a stock height E30 into the air! Every other one we own is too low for a trolley jack and much faffing is required, but the bold 316 could simply be rolled under and jacked – an easy 5 mins saved.

Just as well those 5 mins were saved, as they were needed to sort out the brakes.

On the E30, there is a small hex screw that holds the discs to the bearing- allowing the disc to be held in place before the caliper and wheel are fitted.

They are only little things, but most have seen considerable abuse and have been ramped up far too tight.

I LOVE brake disc retaining screws!

When that happens, it is inevitable that the next person to try and remove the screw will experience the joy and rapture as laid out below:

1. Find right hex piece for screw
2. Ensure it is properly located
3. Get assistant to press the pedal
4. Turn the ratchet anti- clockwise
5. Strip the head of the screw (bonus points for snapping the bit off in it too)
6. Look out the drill
7. Select sharpest bit and set too
8. Add in some swears
9. More drilling
10. Swears
11. Hammer
12. Success!

Mid way through the drilling episode..

Once off, it was obvious that the disc was below its minimum thickness, and that the choice to swap discs and pads was a smart one. We got the caliper bracket and caliper cleaned up, pushed the piston back in and fitted the new disc and pads.

Much more like it!

The other side was much less annoying, and was done in Jig time. It was then time for a test drive, and a bit of bedding in. I’m pleased to report that she now pulls up straight and strong, with a much improved pedal feel. Both discs are nice and shiny, with the pads clearing all the surface.

Whilst we’d been up in the air for the brakes, the 17mm sump bolt had been undone and the old oil drained. The Oil filter is handily located on the side of the block beneath the alternator – in full view, easy to access and lacking any stupid 36mm cover etc. Good, simple and easy to maintain is a signature of the old M10 engine and I heartily commend them to you! Lubrication was provided by 4.5L of 10W40 semi synth.

The Oil filter came off by hand and was easily swapped out. Much better than a modern BMW!

That done, we moved on to the air filter. The M10 in this 316 is a carb fed 1.8, and getting an air filter for it proved entertaining. As this car is on a 1987 E reg it is right on the crossover point between the pre and post-facelift models. This particular one has a facelift shell/bumpers and interior but retains the pre-facelift engine.

As such, it has a large circular air filter atop the carb rather than a rectangular one mounted on the inner wing. All the online parts stores were indicating the rectangular one, so I had to be a touch creative and order one for a carb fed E28 518 5series. Luckily this worked out, and breathing was much improved!

Carburation FTW (old filter pictured!)

Spark plugs were next- and here we ran into another issue. The replacement plugs had a non removable top on them, whereas the fitted ones were fitted with the screwed tops removed. New ones will need to be ordered.

Just about to discover the spark plug issue. (note the missing pipe from the top of the exhaust manifold to the air intake)

They don’t actually look that bad!

Undeterred, we tackled one of the great tribulations of E30 ownership – replacing the viscous fan clutch!

The M10 engine is a nice, short 4 cylinder, so we thankfully had some room to work. The fan coupling is held onto the water-pump by means of a left handed thread, and the pulley for driving the water-pump is held on by 4x 10mm bolts.

If you try to turn the fan coupling, then the water-pump and belts will turn. put a spanner on the 10mm bolts and they start to loosen.

We used the tried and tested method of removing 1x 10mm bolt and mounting something to lock the pulley. In this instance it was a C spanner for coil-over adjusting that we used (due to its handily drilled hole). You can make your own tool from a small piece of flat bar with a small hole drilled in it.

Remove the 10mm bolt

put bolt through hole in bar

Replace bolt into pulley and tighten

This should then allow you to hold the pully steady whilst loosening the left handed thread.

Tool mounted and Fan removed

Once it is off, undo the 4 hex bolts that hold the fan to the clutch and swap over. Installation is the reverse of removal.

You can see the 4x Hex bolts here, and the state of the original fan clutch

Shiny, new and oh so cooling!

With it all back together and the coolant checked we ran her up to temp, and put some load on. Rock solid just under 1/2 on the gauge –  a right result!

 

With that success we packed up tools and went home. next time will likely see the handling issue sorted.

A closer look at the 316

Finally, Fu’Gutty cars managed to stop traipsing about this fair land for long enough to have a swatch at the latest acquisition.

I ragged it down to the unit, revelling in the unhurried progress that was hard won, and rarely relinquished. A totally stock e30 316 is imbued with a heady combination of 45mm front struts and a lack of rear ARB.

In the dry this makes for handling that is as predictable as it is wallowy- conveyance is comfortable yet controlled enough to be nippy when needed. In the wet, the soft setup offers a good amount of grip, and a very informative drive. Even though the steering is over-assisted (overly light due to a 4 odd turns lock to lock rack) you can feel the road well, and drive on just the right side of the “Hooligan” line.

Upon arrival it was time to put it in the air and get a look at the 4 corners.

First up, the Fronts:

OH the shineh shineh!

That Piston is a fair bit oot..

 

As expected, the longish brake pedal was down to low pads- I’ll get some ordered up, but in the meantime I went to a backup plan- the Yellow Stuff pads we’d taken off the 335i.

 

If ever there was a car that was slower than its brake pads, it was this 316!

Disc is not in the best of nick either

The Pad on the left is what came off, the one on the right is what was swapped on

Yup, that’s on the wear sensor

BUMPSTOPS!

So based on that, we’re looking at

1x front Flexi

2x Discs

1x TCA Bush (I bought two when ordering the one that needed fitted for the MOT)

1x set Brake Pads

If I’m feeling really flush I may go for a set of 45mm front dampers, topmounts and bottom arms too.

 

Onto the rear:

As is usual with the e30, I approached the rear arches with trepidation- all too often this is where the dreams end, and the nightmare begins- A hand can be quickly filled by rust.

 

Being a “South of England” car, the wee 316 passed the crunch test with flying colours- so much metal!

 

Nice to see just dust out the rear arches!

I gave the rear drums a wire brush and rust treatment before temporarily applying primer.

Rusty Drum ( The lesser talented sibling of Rusty Bin)

OMG MAKEOVER!

 

Looking round the rear end, again some damper and topmount replacement could be worthwhile, so I shall price up the bits.

All in all, it seems a solid old thing, and the application of some new parts, a few drops of paint and a good clean should see it right for years to come!

I’m a happy boy!

Like a Hole in the head (Pt 2)

We left this epic endeavour with our protagonist bemoaning a failure to proceed on the behalf of the newly MOT’d BMW 316 e30.Part one here

Bugger

Ashamed and miffed, we managed to get it running by bridging the starter- thereby allowing us to proceed to a fuelling station to partake of some motion lotion potion. £10 slurped in the tank, we set off for a run back to Hastings, and a likely afternoon fault finding.

The car drove beautifully on the way home- these 2drs are nice and light, and the stock suspension is pleasingly compliant yet retains enough feel to communicate the goings on to the driver. Sure its not as taut as the 335i or even my 320i, but it was a comfortable place to be.

We parked up and decided to follow that founding rule of engineering- “If in doubt, get the kettle out”. Tea was applied to the issue and ruminating was done. The holy bible (Bentley e30 manual) was consulted, and oil covered hands stroked chin and beard.

Gareth spent his time researching the issue- I went outside and took the fusebox lid off. Fuse 10 had a distinct lack of wire between the two spades, so we had a start point. Leafing through the manual revealed that it served to provide power to many things- two of which were the Autobox inhibitor Switch (which stops you starting the car unless it is in Park or Neutral on the box), and the feed to the starter.

We replaced the fuse and she fired straight up. Problem solved, it was now time to sort the cause. The light for the bulb that illuminates the PRND321 on the gearbox slots into a holder on the shifter handle, and draws power from the same connector as the inhibitor switch.

Hmm, what is this we spy?

Two severed wires were to be found, and the bulb socket was separate from the loom. It looks like the wires had been trapped and then worn through by the selector moving back and forth.

Its almost as if these two parts were once connected..

We effected a repair (likely to be replaced with solder soon) and set about the actual important thing- getting a bit of cleaning done and seeing what I’d actually bought.

And here they are, once again in perfect harmony!

Here are some super valeting tips for those of you who are pressed for time, or cannae be bothered:

1 Neat TFR (traffic Film Remover) makes for an ideal engine degreaser

2 Interior cleaning is greatly aided by utilising pilfered babywipes (apparently Gareth’s SWMBO was not a fan of these particular ones- but they did the job for this task).

It came up very well for a swift pass, but there are a fair few wee things to attend to- and no doubt they will be documented here in the fullness of time. in the meantime, feast your eyes on the things that BMW got right back in the 80s..

A good lookin brief

A product of the “3box” school of automobile design

And all the better for it.
bonus 406 coupe action in the background

YES!

Look at that Driver’s seat- Tis but a scratch!

For a South of England car, the dash is in remarkable condition

OOOOOFT!

Try Hacking the CANBUS on this!

Cleanliness achieved, we parked it up and set to going for dinner/a modicum of beverage.

The Sunday dawned bright and clear, somewhere. In ole Hastings town it was WINTER. there was only one thing for it- get well stocked and get going.

By the crack of 10, we were at the “Eat In The Park” Cafe (as mentioned in The Jimny road test)

A fine scranning was had, and then it was back to drop off Gareth and load up for the trip north.

Breakfast of Champions

Happy in the Rain in Hastings

Family Portrait (Ginger stepchild hidden at the back;))

Up the road to the nearest petrol station and it was time to take a calculated risk:

every e30 driver knows that one of the common faults with the model is leaks from either the fuel filler neck or the fuel tank seam. As I knew I’d be using the whole tank I threw caution to the wind and filled the 55L tank for all it was worth (at a most pleasing £1.149/L).

To my relief, the unleaded stayed on the inside of the tank, and my gutty remained mercifully petrol free.

Time to get some supplies and head.

Not a leaking tank or rusty filler neck in sight.

A full Tank and a far road to travel

I Left Hastings at 11am  and enjoyed the many and varied delights of the a21 before heading onto the m25 westbound.

1 junction of clear running lulled me into a false sense of security, before hitting traffic- which also showed that the viscous fan coupling was not fully functioning.

this meant funtimes sitting being roasted by the heater when doing under 30mph. All e30 owners are now wincing at the thought of unbearable heat plus a nervous disposition directly related to the distance the temp gauge is past vertical. luckily the traffic ebbed and flowed sufficiently to allow the car to stay cool.

I made it to the m40 and took a swift break at Oxford Services. Despite my best efforts, I was sitting at 3.5hrs for 120 miles- I was not amused.

These 120 miles took FOREVER!

Time for some serious cocoa sustenance (As supplied by ra Burd)

The m40 was reasonably clear until it neared the m42. By this time resentment at the non radioing radio was only beaten by the determination to avoid listening to the sole Smiths CD that was present.

Off the m42 I opted for the m6 toll-super clear happy 70mph cruising for some time at last. Well worth the money for the saved time.

Junctions 14-17 of the m6 were their usual joyous selves with miles of tailbacks for no discernible reason. This section is like a rift in the space/time continuum where all the traffic from all parallel universes converge on the one piece of road. Thankfully sanity was preserved by spotting a couple of Humbers, and an odd convoy of a 50’s Chevy and original mini estate.
I kept my shoe in and aimed for Tebay, arriving about 7.40pm. I hit up a tasty chicken pie and coffee which really hit the spot, then bedded down for a kip on the back seat. I woke up at 9.33pm so had a rapid fuel stop (£1.249/Litre!!) and got on me way.

None too shabby on the stop at Tebay

Ouchie!

The final run in was a doddle – 136 miles in just over 2hrs ftw! Arriving home at 11.40pm, it was time for a quick catch up with the boss, and then to bed.

I Certainly am glad I do not have to contend with the frustrations of (mis) managed motorways or large numbers of road users n a daily basis- sometimes I forget how lucky we are to have clear roads easily accessible from home up here.

I took the 316 to the station the next day, where it added a touch of class to the already salubrious surroundings of Lenzie.

Raising house prices near the station

Having just come back from a trip to see the parents, the fuel light has come on. 560 miles on. 66.14litres (14.55gal) gives an mpg of 38.49 (14p a mile-only so high due to services fuel cost)- not too bad for a carb fed auto with a mix of heavy traffic and sustained 70mph running!

no doubt there will be another update along soon on this fine chariot!