the joy of the barge commute

7.43am-almost a civilised hour…when the night is not what it once was. The day bursts into being with a lashing of rain and a glacial gust of wind.

Bracing against the wind, i emerge from my cave like the proverbial half shut knife-eyes shielded from the piercing shards of water.

One thing on my mind-reaching the sanctury of the 7.

Ensconsed in the electric captain’s chair, arm laid on the provided rest, one can survey his fine ship-the black prow stretching out fore, covering the sleeping giant below.

A deft twist and the giant rises from his slumbers, gnawing at handbrake cables in his eagerness to depart. Up anchor and off.

Furnace adjusted, and sails to intermittant we plow onwards, rounding Prelude cape and passing Discovery Bay.

A little further and the coast parts to reveal the deep water of the shipping lanes.

Here the gargantuans lumber, stopping to pick up their breathing cargo in sporradic fashion. My rudder and prop are fit to deal, and i skirt them in the doldrums with aplomb.

Onwards then to the bouys controlling the harbour. I wait in line, a ship surrounded by tugs. Lights alter and the giant is pushed into action once more-urgent in his dash for a berth.

Some helmsmanship is required to position the craft in the harbour berth-touching neighbouring schooners can elicit rage within the captain.

Moored, tis time to depart my charge and continue my quest o’erland. A chance glance at the sonar reveals the legend 14.0mpg.

Bugger.

The Hairdresser’s Guide to the Europes Pt3

Switzerland has a reputation for unimpeachable confidentiality, cheese and chocolate. I propose they also add captivating roads to that list. For me, the Passes that snake through the Alps make the place.

The roads themselves are mile upon mile of Swiss precision- ne’r a pothole or imperfection to be found. Bear in mind these passes are shut from September til April most years due to the propensity for precipitation in the region. They do proper winters there- none of the namby-pamby 2 snowflakes per county nonsense like we get here.

 

We were tackling a classic loop- Furka, Grimsel and Susten. 85 miles of bliss. Hairpins?more than a salon (Dave informs me;). Sweeping curves? Think of your favourite flowing B road- make it 50% better and stick 20 miles onto it and you’re almost there.

Mountains- a couple were present. These were not hills- no hill near here needs 6000rpm in 2^nd for half a mile, just to stop the car bogging down. On the downside (see what I did there?), you’d best have faith in the brakes..engine braking combined with short bursts of heavy braking seemed to be the most appropriate. You can get some idea of the road types from the pic below:

Young Mr Dave discovered that the one of the vagaries of VAG ABS/ESC systems is a propensity to be reliant on rear calipers to temper the rear end of the car when cornering with gusto. We brought in a Native American to interpret the smoke signals- the translation read : pull over and let the buggers cool aff. So we did.

 

 

After the appropriate rest, we pressed on towards the only thing cooler than an Alpine pass..The Rhone Glacier.

Ok, I have an interest to declare here- I love physical geography, so a glacier is a big deal. This is the process that created the mountains and valleys- Happening right before your eyes. Moreover, you can actually go inside it.

You’re inside the Ice, creeping inexorably towards the valley below, walking through a cavern hacked out by hand. Look at the pics below then get visiting- everyone should go!

http://www.tourist-guide.biz/Zermatt/RhoneGlacier.html

 

As the 320i is Alpine White (II), I procured some melt water from inside the cave- coming soon to a coolant change near you! Will work a treat, no doubt.

 

A hearty bowl of Penne Aribiata rounded off a stunning selection of roads. Next up was the short(ish) slog north to Strasbourg

.

 

Strasbourg was everything that Lucerne wasn’t- the atmosphere is completely different, and the town itself feels somehow “rougher”. This was more like home. As with Glasgow, if you know where to look, you can find somewhere that’s worth laying your hat. In Strasbourg(for us at least) this is Kitsch’n Bar. An eclectic mix of styles, with good beer and decent food- it provides somewhere we all feel relaxed. When we turned up, there was a DJ playing some awesome funk, so seats were procured and ales supped. Brilliant.

Give them a look if you’re in town http://www.rue89strasbourg.com/index.php/lieux/kitschn-bar/

 

The lodgings we were in were most convivial, and much relaxing occurred. Up the next morning, after navigating the shower with 2 doors, then we packed the cars and set off for Calais.

Needless to say, it was a bloody good job we’d had some kip. Despite making excellent progress schlepping across Belgium and northern France, the port proved so much more of a challenge.

Coming off the Autoroute, we met a 5km wall of traffic. We had 2hrs to reach the port. We made it 2km. A further 3 hrs later, after much concern re fuel levels (why didn’t I sort that level sender?!) we were checked in, and waiting in line for the next available ferry.

Hearts soared as we boarded, and headed up to the food dispensary for a well earned meal. They subsequently sank as a gaze out the window revealed we’d not left the port after 90mins on board.

Finally, the big dervs trundled us out into the Channel, and we bedded down in the darkest corner we could find. This was the first time I’d ever slept on a ferry, and the good lady informs me that Dave and I had a most interesting snorversation. Once up, we escaped the port in good time, and headed for the overnight stop.

 

I say overnight, but what I mean is “running 106 miles north to Heathrow” and arriving at 3.45am. Gawd bless the 12noon checkout.

We were 2800 miles down, and tired after 8 days on the road, but we were northbound and running. At least until we went south again..

 

But that’s a tale for another day..Look out for it in an update coming soon!

The Hairdresser’s guide to the Europes Pt2

This was the start of the double back- Westbound and Down, If you will! (Courtesy of Mr Jerry Reed). We headed back across the border into Germany, tanks full, and bodies rested. The 320i was running well- not a hint of fuel pump issues, the fuel consumption light on the wallet, cruising at 2 ft with a velocity of 130kph.

The day was full of anticipation, as we hurtled towards the best bits of the trip, but more on that later..

A stop for fuel and lunch ended up with the joyous site of the Audi in Aldi’s carpark-always worth a quick picture

Suitably refreshed by the delights of potato salad on rolls, I ventured forth, with the good lady working hard not to lose her lunch due to the apparently “overpowering” smell of Mayo- She’s a keeper, but an odd ‘un too.

Anyways, we rattled along on the Autobahns- occasionally flexing the might of the combined 10 cyls and 32 valves. Despite being 100hp down on the Audi, the 320i pulled willingly when we chose to play in the big boy’s lane, dispensing with the myriad diesel based affronts to the blue and white propeller in some style. Dave was most kind to remain in sight, and not to stray too far into the bigger numbers- meaning that I didn’t have to invoke the ghost of Oliver Reed to keep up.

Munich was dispatched with ease, and the Austrian border hove into sight..Mountains, Cap’n! Hunners o them! This was the real trip- Roads that needed all you concentration, with the added kicker of trying to avoid mating with the scenery due to an “entertaining” interface between the ditchfinders and the torrential rain.

Tacking like demented dinghy pilots, we wandered up towards Kitzbuhel for dinner. I was mightily glad of the burger consumed, as I’d burned many a calorie working up and down the box- gearing the car for motorway economy left it somewhat wanting should the terrain be hillier than Holland.

After some scran, we ran for the gasthaus at Fulpmes, arriving late at night, with an annoying “Clunk” from the brakes at low speed. Being dark, the sensible option was to check in and score some Kaiser before the bar shut- marvellous!

Sensible heads prevailed, and the beer was consumed in moderation. This meant I could arise early to review the clunk from the 320i brakes. The car pulled up well, and the pedal felt fine, but that noise was beginning to get right on my goat. Luckily, after some listening, it appeared to be coming from the left rear- a loose anti rattle clip on the caliper was identified as the culprit. A quick re bending, and jobs a good ‘un.

Anyway, more importantly, the scenery looked like a cross between a Bond villain’s lair, and Scotland on steroids. Seriously impressive stuff, especially when combined with the superb engineering in the tunnels that allows you to traverse the country.

Rather than just hammering the roads again, we’d decided we should get some culture in, so we set off for some traditional Austrian outdoor pursuits. 2600m long, and capable of almost 40mph, we were out to hurtle down the Mieders Alpine Coaster.

Strapped into one of these

and stuck on a pipe with some flat bar welded on, you get to drop over 1000m in about 5mins. Held in by a lap belt, and gripping the dead man’s handle for dear life, you set off. 5 corners in and you’re willing it to go faster! Once you clock that the flat bar stops the bob from tipping beyond the angle of the bar, you can get right into it- its bloody ace! If you’re in the area, visit http://www.tyrol.com/a-mieders-summer-toboggan-run and get a run in.

As time marched on, we stuck to the Motorways in our quest to reach Lucerne, save for a short hop into Lichtenstein- purely to annoy my mate Big Dave, who has yet to drive there:-)

Lucerne is a traffic black hole- never have I been to a place that has traffic jams regardless of when you visit. Thankfully it’s a great city, and worth persevering with the queues to get into it. A word of warning though- it also like to swallow all your pennies (and then some!). The youth hostel we stayed in cost the same as the 4 star hotel in Prague. However, it was clean, well kept and has helpful staff, not to mention being near enough to the city for a wander into town. You can see some of the stuff we got upto in the pics below.

I’ll stop here- check back for Pt3 soon!

Cheers

The Hairdresser’s guide to the Europes Pt1

Everyone has got one- that mate that is a bad influence on you.

You know the sort, never any money for the cinema, but always enough for a tank of fuel. Always there when the whisky bottle opens, and there when it gets thrown away empty.

They have the ideas that are great in principle, and often impossibly expensive and time consuming in reality.

Hanging around folks who are into old cars, I have a few more than 1. I tend to return the favour wherever possible, and I’m sure a fair few of mine would cite me as fulfilling the same position.

In this instance, it was the bold BadDave. A troublemaker of the highest order, and a bike owner to boot.

It started off as a motorbike trip for a squad of mates, with me tagging along as the carthorse in my car. A most pleasant jaunt you may think, as did I. Alas, one by one, the powerrangers fell by the wayside- citing reasons such as “I’m washing my hair” and “I don’t want to chip my new nails”, leaving just Dave and myself as participants.

In a stroke of inspiration, I managed to invite the burd- therefore managing to tick off the “summer holiday” line on the list.

So Where did we go? And why is it a hairdresser’s guide?

 

We went to : Ashford, Frankfurt, Prague, Kitzbuhel, Fulpmes, Lucerne, Strasbourg and Heathrow

The hairdresser reference? Dave was driving this:

 

So how did it go?

Firstly, with my usual exemplary planning, the car got its mot on the Thursday 2 days before we were leaving..

 Day 1

So, We loaded up, filled the tank and headed off, intent on meeting Dave at a services just south of Manchester. The burd was driving, traffic was light, and the car was behaving- all the signs of an awesome roadtrip were present.

234 miles later, as I attempted to start the car at the services, the roadtrip dream was turning to a nightmare

No petrol was making it to the injectors, and we couldn’t feel the relays clicking. Bugger. Can’t be the pump, as it was replaced in June. Sod it, we’ll try reversing the polarity on the pump and see if it kicks into life.. Bosh, we have liftoff. I make a mental note to contact the bloke I bought the new pump from.

We rattle down the m6, marvelling at a relatively free run through Brum, before contending with the unbridled joy of the m25. I honestly do not know how people cope with the m25 day in, day out- its like 5 lanes of hell. Once circumnavigated, the blessed relief of the m20 appeared.

Camped in Travelodge’s finest hostelry, we caught up with some friends, and marvelled at the burd’s exceptional giraffe impression (don’t ask)

 

Day 2

Day two started off the key, much to my relief! A toddle down to Dover, plus some screwdrivering to the lights saw us prepped for a schlep across the Channel.

We thrashed through Belgium, aiming for our night’s stop..not before fuelling up at the Pistenklause- the burd hammered her way through this- the joy of “steak on rock”

Rested up at the Savoy in Frankfurt, we had a wander out for a beer, marvelling at the understated European Central Bank.

Next morning, we were up and running for the border. A quick stop for a splash and dash lead to us buying the vignette we needed for travelling on the Czech motorways.

This was followed by lunch in possibly the cleanest services I’ve ever been in. The curry wurst was magic, and Dave made short work of a helluva hotdog.

We’d managed to score a great hotel near the centre of the Old town in Prague, which proved to be a great base for exploring the place. I’d been once before, as part of a stag do- so my memory was hazy.

 

Day 3

We lost a whole day wandering about, taking in the myriad sights, and taking the route less travelled. There are some really cool sights to see, and the occasional pint to be supped. Heading up the road to the Castle, we visited Café Savoy- an excellent patisserie that was suggested by the good lady. Between the main courses and the cakes, it was nothing short of superb. Well worth a visit, and reasonably priced too http://cafesavoy.ambi.cz/cz/

 

The rest of the day was spent wandering upto the castle, and sauntering over the Charles Bridge. All in all, a worthwhile day spent not driving.

We’re 1200 miles down, and about to set off for Austria, but not before popping to this cool little coffee shop just up from the hotel
The coffee was immense and bloody cheap compared to what you pay over here. http://www.emaespressobar.cz/
I’ll stop here before this becomes war and peace. Check back soon for pt 2!